mandi

happiness

2002-09-11T00:29:15Z

Lying in his arms for a half hour was the greatest thing for me. I felt completely loved and like nothing in the world could go wrong. I felt protected and I wanted to cry from the happiness he gave me...but like the quote says "no guy is worth your tears but the one who is won't make you cry". I am so happy right now...and not...I love him so much...

Thank you Sarah...

2002-09-10T00:31:51Z

Ok miss nosey! I got my password back...I don't like it though and need to change it. Anyways...life seems to be getting better for me, I guess. Bree was asking me why I was complaining about him not liking me when he asked me to homecoming...she just doesn't get it. I hate my life...oh well...maybe I should go shopping again! Well I am hoping jeff will call me soon...maybe...I love you sarah!

I hate ppl so much!

2002-01-10T00:38:54Z

Why is it when everythin is goin absolutely perfect in my life it suddenly has to go the opposite way? Do I really open my mouth too much and tell things they shouldn't know? I think that yeah sometimes I can...but let me tell you somethin else...I am just tryin to be a good friend. You shouldn't claim to be someone's best friend if you never tell them anythin that happens to you, goes on with you, or anythin of the least bit importance. I did what I thought was right. It slipped things like that happen and ppl forgive you for them. I have forgiven enough ppl to know that everyone deserves a second, third, or even a fourth chance. If you are really friends then you forgive. Its part of a realtionship...forgiveness. Also friendship is about havin a closeness with someone...you can't have a closeness with them if you don't tell them anythin. I am really pissed right now...oh and I really hate findin things out by overhearin them in a locker room or by your bf...I never thought that not knowin someone would hurt so much...this makes no sense to most of you so sorry

I am a horrible bitch...

2001-12-29T04:27:16Z

I miss him...he won't talk to me...he hates me...I think I might be overreactin but I feel like he hates me...I just wanted to talk to him and tell him I love him...is that too much? I didn't think it was...I just really miss him...I feel so distant...

SORRY!

2001-12-26T22:10:51Z

Ok yeah I know I am stupid and have on time on my hands to update anymore. I am really sorry! So lets see what I all have to say. I am so happy we are off on break I don't think I could have taken much more of Mrs. Robinson. So on Friday we left for Wisconsin and we made it here really fast for the holidays and I got cheesecake which was soooooo good I was like so happy I was able to get some! So we get here and we do the usual. Christmas the 23 with my moms parents and family. And then on Christmas Eve we went to my dad's parents house and we went to church and I had chicken cordon bleu for dinner as always, my favorite. Then Christmas day we spent with my moms family. That was pretty good. Its hard tho stayin with them all the time. Especially now with my grandpa being 75 and having Parkinsons, which is gettin worse. And he has slowed down so much and never wants to do anythin and all he says anymore is about how he wants to die and that he would be so much happier if God would just take him off of earth. It is so sad and depressing cuz I could never imagine our family without him.

On a happier note here is what I got for Christmas...

DVD/VHS player
spring pan so I can make cheesecake!
10 pairs of socks
a tee shirt
a sweater
$155 AE gift certificates
Coyote Ugly soundtrack
smiley face keychain
Calender
candles
ornaments
oh and from adam I got a really cute necklace that I absolutely love and an adorable picture of a boy holding two yellow roses! his mommy got me a calender and body spray stuff and bath fizzles!

I really want to do somethin on new years so sarah if you read this call me! Umm and I will be home tomorrow sometime. I love all of you and hope you had a safe and happy holiday.

I just wish some things never changed and that you could have things back that you once lost....

~*mandi*~

why why why???????????

2001-12-09T05:58:49Z

OK why is it that just when two of my good friends are happy and everythin is good between them...one of my best friends has to be hurt by it? I feel so helpless like I can't do anythin to matter or help or anything. I don't know! Well nite!

She doesn't care????

2001-12-08T18:38:23Z

So let me get this straight you can be so close to someone and spend all your time with them for like 4 months and have no secrets from them like ever and then it all just goes away which none of it was really my fault and she doesn't care. You know I had this picture in my head of growing old with my best friend living across the street with all her hickish things and me and my little preppy house just like we said it was goin to be and then all of a sudden she doesn't care that we are not friends. And if she misses me I am right here she just isn't seeing me...the me who was here for her through everythin when everyone turned away. NONE of this has anything to do with a desicion she made that she is happy with. It has to do with the fact that she couldn't open up to me because she was afraid of what I would think. The fact that the min she started goin out with him she never wanted to do anythin with me. How she doesnt' care about the values I have and doesn't see my side of anythin. How she can just move to a new group of friends and forget her old ones without givin any notice. How she can take the one thing a person has and act like it is her own...Ok so I miss her big deal you make friends you lose them...I just thought this time it was different...this time I had found the one person who knew me inside and out and wouldn't just forget me because of a boyfriend or because I don't "approve" of what she does. Its not my life I would never want her to base her life by me. I just really wish she would stop with all this crap that its all because of him...its not. Its her...I don't know who she is anymore...

blah!

2001-12-02T19:52:13Z

ok so I have to write these two poems for English tomorrow...and we all know that mandi sucks at poetry so I thought of this pretty good topic. And I still don't know if it is because it is true or I am just weird so yeah this is the one I had to do after Emily Dickenson...The friendship we once had
Was lost not long ago
The memories are still here
But for how long I do not know.

The way it ended is a blur
And fades more each day
I feel it was my fault
But how I do not say.

I wish we could talk again
And fix what went wrong
But I feel that what we had
Will never be as strong.

But as the years go by
We will go our separate ways
And all we will have left
Are these precious high school days.

so yeah I think it sucks but my brother liked it so yeah. I have to write the Whitman one still and read ten chapters but I think I might actually get it all done today! yay for mandi!

well gots to go bye!

3 Months and so much more....

2001-12-01T18:00:20Z

OK I am so happy we have mad it to three months, he isn't complaining so much and I am not sick of him. We are doin pretty good I think. I went to his house last nite and we went out to eat with his parents and Mark and then we rented Hannible *shudders* and The Grinch. He started to annoy me towards the end. He just doesn't know how to act sometimes. Like if I dont' want to do anythin he keeps pushin me and then gets mad when I raise my voice to get my point across. Oh well he will learn and I love him so its ok.

I am so happy katie made Anne Frank and the set constructions and everythin for techies are on fridays! I am so happy about that so I can do it! Yay!

Yiz and I are becomin good friends which really makes me happy cuz we have never been really close and she has never really confided in my like she has been.

Bowlin is goin ok...I have lost one of my best friends basically due to many circumstances beyond my control. The major one being I dont' know how to get through to her anymore, basically I dont' know who she is anymore. Oh well sarah and I are gettin close again and I think this good thing is goin to happen so two of my friends will be really happy and I will be right! I gotta talk to you sarah if you are readin this so yeah call me.

I have to read this book by monday and I haven't started yet. I also have to write two poems and I am so horrible at poetry so I think I maybe should get started on that.

Well the only ppl that will read this is my psyco doc who is goin to want to know what is wrong with me and these two other ppl who are goin to go off on me because I am wrong and I am a horrible friend and dont' cherish some friendships more than my bf. So yeah bye...

boreded...

2001-11-24T17:09:49Z

Ok since it has been ages since I have updated this thing maybe I should do that again. Things with adam are great. I love him so much and he makes me so happy, when he isn't mad at me. My friends from Michigan were here this week and they left today. We had fun we rented A Knight's Tale and bought The Replacements, Miss Congeniality, and Frequency. I also went shoppin yesterday and got these two cute sweaters from AE and a cute jacket like thing from Lerner. I get to go shoppin again today but that is for everyone elses presents. I think I get to go to the hospital tomorrow to see my friend. She is still in ICU but she is doin better. I think she is off of oxygen now so thats a good thing. My brother is goin to see her today. I have no idea what to get adam for christmas so if any of you have an idea feel free to comment. I also need to get somethin for sarah and sarah and more for nickell and katie and sharon and andrea and andrea and drew and my family. I am goin to be so broke. Oh well its the season of giving. Shit I have to bake all those cookies too. Oh well! Maybe everyone will just get a bunch of fudge. So yeah. I and I startin to live with the idea of nickell and josh and it isn't botherin me so much. I mean she is happy so its good. But if he even hurts her...yeah I wouldn't be able to do anythin about it so I will just shut up. Ok I think that is enough for now. I love you all!

sorry I gotta be honest....

2001-11-13T00:20:49Z

ok I had my entire entry typed and it deleted it all so i have to type it again.

this is how i feel for all of you who actually care...

I have this best friend. The moment we met we totally clicked and everythin that came out of one of our mouths made total sense to the other. We hardly ever fought, we agreed on almost everythin that was debatable. She was the one who told me to go out with my wonderful boyfriend when I was too scared of gettin hurt again. She has blessed me with so many wonderful times to remember and makes me laugh whenever we are together. But lately we haven't been seein eye to eye on anythin and we have been fightin a lot. She doesn't confide in me about anythin and now I am the last person to find out the most important thing in her life when I used to be the first. She doesn't see why i am so protective and why i get upset when the guy she likes is totally opposite of him and has totally different beliefs than him. She says she can be strong and make sure nothin happens but if she cares about him like she did her last bf she will do anythin to make him happy. I love her to death and am so afraid of losin her friendship. i am just scared she doesn't feel the same way as long as she has her other friends. I mean we maybe talk 2 hours a week. she doesn't even eat lunch wiht me anymore.

Then there is the bowlin team. It feels like softball season again. I know you guys try and include me I just feel left out. You are all such good friends when I am not there that when I am its like it doesn't matter. I feel like only sarah really cares how I feel. The rest of you just want to have fun and if I am in a bad mood don't care.

And adam and i may have problems but we arent' goin to break up because of htem. We care about each other way too much. This is totally different than any of you can comprehend. We broke up way too many times for stupid shit so its not happenin this time.

I just wish someone would understand how I feel. I had typed more than this and it was better but it got deleted.

I hope i didn't offend anyone but this is how I feel the honest truth so if you don't like it you obviously don't know me or understan me for htat mater.

why??????

2001-11-06T03:39:51Z

Ok why does it seem like everyone I know hates me all of a sudden!? I swear like everyone hates me...Jeff won't tell me anything and acts like he hates me whenever I am around him. Drew gets pissed at me every time I see him. Nickell I don't know I am so confused about that, sorry hun I just feel like you hate me and like we never talk. Sharon seems like she hates me because I put drew in a bad mood. Adam gets mad at me because I act like I hate him. I really don't try to I mean I love him to death its just I can't handle ppl like this so i take it out on him which I shouldn't. I dont' know i feel like crap and worthless and i am sleepy and Godspell isn't doin too good. We have 1 more rehersal and then the rehersal for the teachers and then opening night. So yeah I think I should go to bed now or just get off since no one is talkin to me. So yeah bye....

fights and more fights

2001-10-28T17:04:51Z

I think I am a horrible person...I have been fightin so much lately and about stupid shit that shouldn't matter. I feel like a horrible person. Oh well I am so who cares. Thank you to all of you who responded to my email...it really made me feel better about myself I was startin to get really depressed. I love all of you. Oh I am so happy wednesday is 2 months! Plus I am a techie for Godspell which is goin to be so awesome! ok well gotta go luv yas!

QUESTION!

2001-10-24T00:07:42Z

ok I have a question for all of you who read this and i might just email it to everyone I know I just want to know if i have made a difference in any of your lives and if I have how have I? Thanx!

lalalalalalala

2001-10-23T22:04:58Z

I am bored and since I haven't wrote in a couple days thought I would. I love adam! He is so great and I truly don't know how I would be or where I would be without him. Scary thing is I can't see me without goin out with him. Ok so enough of that I am sad. Well happy cuz of adam sad because of Jeff and Drew. Jeff is mad cuz I did somethin after he told me not to and I am REALLY SORRY! Drew is just at one of his stages where he can't be nice to me again... I shouldn't care but yeah. Oh and mark is mad too because I bribbed adam into tellin me soemthin bout him and I am not supposed to know. So yeah sorry bout that one too. Well that should be good for now.

on orders....

2001-10-20T03:04:02Z

I am on orders by miss perfect to update this thing. I don't really have anythin to say. I get to go to adams concert tomorrow. My cousins are in for the weekend and were all mad they didn't get to meet adam tonight...oh well there is always tomorrow. Then my dad threw a huge fit because I was gettin off the phone and said love ya to adam and he freaked. So all night I have been gettin teased for that and they all think that sayin I love someone is weird and that when he says it back means he thinks hes goin to get me to do somethin. Which really bugs me because he knows that that is not goin to happen and its like my dad doesn't trust me. I mean I do love adam he is my best friend and I would be lost with out him. This is a great relationship and I am so happy to be with him and no one gets that except my mom. I mean come on I am a good kid I am not goin to do anythin wrong. I don't know its just frustratin. Well back to IM.

????

2001-10-18T19:05:06Z

how is it I can care so much about other ppls interest but when it comes to somethin I like I get, "so what?". I am sorry but that hurts, just because I am interested in somethin and other ppl aren't doesn't mean they have to be complete jerks! Whatever!

I am so confused and worried about my friends

2001-10-18T18:47:52Z

Ok I know you are all goin to just assume this is about nickell but it isn't just her.

Lately it seems like all the relationships my friends are in they don't seem truly happy. When I say truly happy I mean like most of the time. Like 1/4 of the time they are happy and the other 3/4 of the time they are sad or upset because their b/f or g/f is treatin them like shit or doesn't care about them or they are mad at the other and in a fight. I am so sick of all my friends bein unhappy I mean high school is a time to enjoy life and not spend it with someone who makes you mad all the time or treats you like shit. You should be spending the time with your friends havin fun. I don't know i may just be seein things but I honestly think that if you are with someone who makes you unhappy just because you think you love them or you do and you want to be with someone and are afraid of bein single than you are only goin to get hurt in the long run. Ok that made like no sense but yeah. Anyways i am happy and i think I was actually able to have a conversation with someone and yeah...ok well lots to do so I gotta go not love you all!

ok so I lied

2001-10-16T21:06:10Z

how can I not write in this thing? Sometimes I think its the only thing that keeps me sane. Well its been a bad day, kyle is being a dick. How can someone say that their gf is being a bitch and mean it? I swear he is such a jerk. Well I have a dilema about my room I don't know how to redo it...oh well I will come up with somethin creative. My daddy comes home tonight! I gotta work on my project still so bye!

mad mad mad

2001-10-15T10:08:22Z

no email, no phone call, and stupid LIVEJOURNAL! I hate this thing! I think I am goin to stop writing!

I hate this!!!!!!

2001-10-13T02:04:38Z

I was having a perfectly good time at the game tonight...I had everything worked out. Then my dumbass brother has to ruin it all. I had to leave early because he didn't have a ride home because he is too big of a wuss to ask one of his friends. And so then I am the one who gets bitched at because I ruined my parents night by not tellin them what was goin on soon enough and not callin...when really it was my brothers fault. Then I get yelled at because my parents are the ones who always take ppl home and my dad is sick of it which makes no sense...if he doesn't want to take anyone home then just say no! GEEZ! oh so then I get in the car and its all my fault not my brothers that he didn't have a ride and I did. My dad was expectin me to ask adams parents to take home two complete strangers because my brother can't take care of himself. So then I started yellin at him sayin I wasn't goin to be rude and impose that on them and he was like well I had no idea who adam was and I always take him home...which that is a bunch of b/s because I only talk to adam everyday and have gone out with him how many times! UGH! Oh and then earlier that night Jeff totally won't talk to me because of fuckin Brie. I mean just when we start being good friends again and gettin things back on track he totally blows me off! just screw him he doesn't care enough...ok yeah so I feel bad for the way I treated adam at the game I was just really pissed off. I hope he will forgive me I do this way to much and I feel horrible...I am sorry... I love him and I don't want to lose him I just can't stand the thought of not being friends with jeff again I mean I don't like him I don't think and even if I did it wouldn't matter but yeah I just want him to be there for me, as a friend. Ok well I think I am done now...I got to see Katie B. shes so cute I love that girl! ok well I am sorry to all of you for being a bitch... thanx for understandin

I feel weird

2001-10-08T20:04:47Z

Ok you all know I love adam to death and I wouldn't do anythin at the moment to ruin that with him...its just I don't want to be with him 100% of the time... I mean I love being with him just not 24/7. I mean when I am not with him I want to be in his arms so I can feel protected and loved but then sometimes he just wants to be all over me and possessive and I don't like that...I don't want to be so dependent on someone so young...this all sounds really stupid I know I am just afraid of bein hurt and bein in love... ugh we are fightin again...I hate that I just wish he could understand how I feel...thats not goin to happen tho...well yeah bye

hola

2001-10-06T00:38:30Z

Ok today was borin but it was 5 weeks! I went out to eat with Ryan and our families I hate willies I always feel sick afterwards...oh well it was still fun. Tomorrow I am goin to the game with sarah...I hope everythin will go well...then adam is comin over and we are goin to go to a bonfire with my mom...that will be tons of fun I love bonfires...Ok yeah so now I am goin to go...I love adam!

I'm home!

2001-10-04T18:53:20Z

Ok this is like the longest I have been home without sleeping all week...I swear I have been goin nuts so yeah heres what I have been doin...

Sunday...I went to The Phantom of the Opera and it kicked ass. I swear it was so awesome and then we went to eat at the american pie cafe and they had some killer apple pie. Then I came home and talked to adam for like 5 mins and then read like 90 pages of the scarlet letter.

Monday...went to school and read 40 more pages of the scarlet letter and probably failed the test on it. Then I found out I had the highest grade in my english class which I do not understand because like I am really dumb and I have a 91...who knows...so yeah then I came home and took a nap and then off to drivers ed...4 hours in the same chair with a really boring and smelly instructor.

Tuesday...I went to school and yeah boring... then went to S.A.D.D. that was fun... and then went to the 7th grade football game which they won...then to another 4 hours of drivers ed!

Wednesday...went to school and yeah then to Indian Spirits, then to adam's. *wink wink* <<<<nickell lol umm then I went to drivin again... then I came home...I swear I need to sleep but I have this project due tomorrow I haven't started...so yeah then today I was bored and sleepy and I don't feel good and all of a sudden I feel like everyone hates me and yeah I know I am a dork but I miss sarah again...that bugs me and I have a lot of unanswered questions I want to ask but can't...so yeah bye

homecoming rocked!

2001-09-30T13:40:12Z

OMG I had the greatest time! That was like the greatest day of my life! I am so happy! I love adam sosososososo much! OMG! It's 1 month today! that is so awesome! ok yeah I must be driving nickell nuts! But she still loves me! This was like the best week! Ok yeah I am a dork...ok I'm happy well pizza is almost done...buhbye!